Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of [...]
How much did you make me? You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. You won’t have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the [...]
Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the [...]
Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing? Homer no function beer well without. Oh, everything looks bad if [...]
Marge, just about everything’s a sin. Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom. I was saying “Boo-urns.” I don’t like being [...]
Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing? Homer no function beer well without. Oh, everything looks bad if [...]
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Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? I don’t [...]
Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. [...]
I’m surprised you had the courage to take the responsibility yourself. In my experience, there is no such thing as luck. In my experience, there is no such thing as [...]
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And [...]
That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts [...]
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